My Flawless Transition

I don't know about you, but transitioning from being a driven career woman to a stay at home mom was effortless. It was the easiest thing I have ever done.  

Said no mom ever.

I come from a divorced family and have personally witnessed 8 divorces just between my parents, one set of grandparents, and two aunts. To say that I didn't really believe in marriage was an understatement. I never thought that I would get married, nor did I have that desire....until I met my husband, Jordan. We met and began dating at the ripe young age of 17, but didn't consider marriage until around the age of 22.  At the time, I was in graduate school at the University of Florida to become a Physician Assistant. Children weren't even a blip on the radar and the thought that I would ever be pregnant or a mom was laughable. I was in love with medicine, with having a career, earning my own income, and independence.

5 years later, Jordan and I were feeling a little empty. We had watched our friends start to develop families and we realized we would love to experience being parents. We got pregnant with our first daughter and I continued to work 40-60 hours/week without batting an eye. It turns out I'm not the girl who falls in love with the baby in her belly. 

I was 40 weeks pregnant and absolutely convinced that I would return to work full-time and Jordan would stay at home with the baby. 8 hours later that baby arrived and my whole world changed. 

Turns out I AM the girl who falls in love with the baby in her arms. I couldn't bare the thought of leaving her for 5 minutes, let alone a full day! I cried every single day for the last 3 weeks of my maternity leave and had some major questions I needed to answer. Where were my priorities? What was best for my child? What was best for our family? How can I make other arrangements? And how will I ever be able to make a change in plans work?

I went back to work for all of a month full-time and couldn't hack it. My work was suffering and my attitude was poor because my patients weren't the ones on my mind...my little baby at home was. I approached my company and let them know of my dilemma and thankfully they allowed me to transition to part-time. But that didn't come without HUGE sacrifices. This was a big hit financially, not only in salary but in retirement and benefits as well.  We really had to buckle down as a family and learn how to spend less and save more.....but I never allowed myself to think about the money I was missing out on.  That didn't even compare to missing out on so much time with my little girl.

 

When my second daughter was born I only returned to work 12-15 hours/week and to be honest, work became a very welcome and much needed break! 

I soon realized my maximum capacity is two kids and I welcomed the opportunity to get out of the house and have peace and quiet. Unfortunately my company began to ask more and more of me....slowly increasing those hours over a period of months. I began feeling torn and guilty as every time my eldest saw me in scrubs she would become moody and distraught.  My husband and I also didn't think we could live comfortably (or uncomfortably for that matter) without some sort of financial contribution from me, but again, I found myself wondering where my priorities were and how I could make this work.

Last year I was introduced to an opportunity for a "little side biz" and I took it...with very low expectations. Little did I know that it would eventually offer myself and my family much more than I thought it could and I was afforded the ability to completely stop working outside of the home in July of 2015.  I was incredibly excited about spending all day every day with my girls!

Of course, I initially received a ton of fun comments like, "Wow! All of that schooling for nothing!" and "Don't you feel like all of your training was such a waste?" 

To which I'd reply, "Suck it" (in my head).  My mouth, however, would kindly reply that my schooling, training, and experiences were NEVER a waste. I have seen incredible things, been a part of saving lives for years, and met wonderful people with whom I've established lifelong friendships.  But most of all, I've developed pride in my accomplishments, comfort with who I am as a person, and a significant sense of self sufficiency and fulfillment.

I am now home with my girls full time and as I am relentlessly escorted to the bathroom, constantly cleaning something, moderating fights, wiping tears and butts, and often on the verge of a car accident as someone is always screaming something from the backseat, I often wonder, "Why did I want this again?" Being a mom is TRULY the most physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding and exhausting job that could ever exist. Working 60 hours a week and taking call as a PA with dying/ill patients doesn't even come a close second. But every day I have the privilege of getting them dressed, giving them kisses, snuggling with them before nap time, reading books to them, and best of all witnessing these little babies grow, change, and develop into the beautiful adults they are destined to become. 

I used to measure success on how much money I made, how developed my procedural skills were, and what other people thought of me. Oh, the error of my ways. Success is not anything extrinsic...it is finding personal meaning and contentment in the life that you create.  

Of all of my accomplishments in life thus far, I am most proud of myself for knowing what I want and going after it regardless of the fear, doubt, sacrifice, and risk that may accompany those decisions. I know that the transition from a career woman to a SAHM is a damn hard one, but also a damn rewarding one and I can't think of a more respectful career than a Mom.